Disparity - dealing with the maid's child (not so light reading)

We live amongst a few rather affluent people. The kids here all visit the US or UK or some similar place every year. They go to high end schools, are well versed with the Wii and latest gadgets, and all have good manners. They are rich kids. In a house down the road there are three children. These are the children of the cook and maid of the house. They live in two rooms attached to the house. The oldest amongst them is Sapna, one of Ashvin's best friends. Sapna is not a rich kid. In India there is a huge difference between rich and not rich.
As she sometimes does, Sapna joined us for a walk today. We went to the mall and had an ice cream each. We walked around a bit and then Ashvin had to use the restroom. As wanting to use the loo seems to be contagious amongst kids we all queued up at the family restroom. When Sapna was done I asked her if she had washed her hands. She said no, she did not know how the get the tap to work. I showed her how to move her hands so the motion detector would kick in. Then I asked her to use the soap pump and hand washing was done. From the corner of my eye I saw Ankit watching all this – very attentively. I had seen the same look when I had taught her to use a fork on a visit to pizza hut.
Ankit had only seen equals amongst kids before he came to India. In Sammamish there was little discrepancy in social or financial standing amongst kids. How strict your parents were was the biggest delimiting factor. Here I have watched him sometimes watch attentively and at other times look away when he encounters children financially different from him. He has mentioned he is more grateful for what he has and once even chided Peeyush for grumbling about having a lousy day. On his way to school, Ankit had seen a little girl – barely six he said – trying to chop wood. For a few days he allowed no grumbling in the house. We had no right to grumble he said.
Sapna is well fed and clothed; she goes to school and speaks English really well. She is a happy child. I am not sure what the implications of my taking her to restaurants and teaching her about things alien to her are going to be. Will it embed in her a want to achieve all that or will she be dissatisfied with the life she has. I am not sure if I should do something more, something less. For now, I try to see her just as Ashvin's friend and I try to treat her as I would another friend of his.
And from the corner of my eye I watch Ankit, attentively, to ensure he stays sensitive and does not let the frequency and commonality of the Sapna's around him numb him.

You get what you pay for

My maid, cook, and gardener each get paid less than $150 each a month. This is more than double of what they get paid in regular (non expat) houses. I know many people pay way lesser and negotiate what meals they can eat at the house and bargain for every little thing. I would understand it if these folks themselves were short on money but many I encounter are most certainly not. For most it is a mindset - to get the most you can for the least you can pay, even when it means shortchanging someone to who change actually matters.

I agree with not getting ripped off or getting taken advantage of but when you pay IKEA prices you can’t expect Bloomingdales quality. For pennies you will get the work done but yes, you will have to micromanage and not grumble about lack of quality, honesty and loyalty.

When I moved here I found out the previous pay for the people I was employing. I could afford it so I gave them a raise and had a little talk with them. I told them what my expectations were and very clearly explained that I was not going to micromanage but at the same time I would not stand bad work. I expected quality, honesty and loyalty.

Six months later I must say I have it good. I do not have to micromanage; they show up on time and get the work done. I am in what many Indian housewives would call “household help nirvana”. I am sure I could squeeze a little more out of each of them. I am sure I could fire one of them and get the others to suck up the work but then I would not be writing this post. I would be screaming at one of them and then calling my mom and telling her how horrible help in India is. Yes, I would certainly get what I paid for.

**********************
I have been warned that once bitten I will change my tone about household help - bitten means cheated in some way. I am sure I will be disappointed and more cautious but I am unwilling to throw away something good I have going out of that fear.


The fear that I am working on instead is that of my kids growing up expecting people doing things for them and not valuing it.

Cultural Awareness 101 - Right but not right.

A maid working for an American family went sobbing to the Indian neighbors. Asked them to talk to 'sir' as his behavior was causing her great grief at home. It turned out that sir had been making her sit on the dining table to eat with them and smiling and talking to her nicely. Sounds good on paper but in a country where there is a huge class divide this behavior had gotten her husband extremely suspicious. He had walked by the house on occasion and was sure there were unchastely events happening beyond the dining table.

Today I stopped for lunch at a fast food place (kathi kabab roll for those that have to know). I ordered my food then something for our driver. When the food arrived I realized that I had not asked for his food to go. I called him up to ask him to come in and eat. I was going to sit at another table. I could sense his immense discomfort as he refused politely. Then I felt really uncomfortable as I asked them to wrap up and take the food to the car. It was weird and I was glad when we did not discuss this on my getting back into the car.

I guess I am learning too like the poor American dude, it is not always the intentions that matter, right for one maybe downright (uncomfortably) wrong for another.

A smile and a roll on a dining table - ughh, now it sounds bad on paper too.