Dealing with queues in India – Hey, I was in line!!!

I was in line to buy some ice cream. Just as it was my turn and I was about to step forward, a guy jumped in front of me from nowhere and placed his order. I was surprised and angry. This was not the first time this happened to me. The first few times I had kept my anger bottled in and caused a little ulcer so this time I asked him – "Where did you come from? I am in line." He said "Sorry, I did not see a line. " Well, I was part of a big fat line right there. Mistake I had made – fallen prey to the US personal space concept and not stepped right up nudging the person in front of me as he was done.
There are two types of queues in Indian – the long snaky kind and the crowd line. In both you have to watch your spot and stick to the person in front of you.

Attacking the Crowd Queue: Often people line up horizontally and laterally at a counter so you have a "crowd queue". At that point everyone thrusts money out and yells. Seems pretty inefficient to me. Especially inefficient as I generally end up getting nowhere in these situations. After losing out a few times I have figured out my strategy – get in between two women (if you are woman that is) and squeeze yourself in. It is a like a massage maze. Don't be shy and if you are totally creeped out think of a nice shower once you get home (I will discuss India and its fascination with talcum powder and aversion to deodorant someday). Think of it as a challenge - part of Amazing Race or whatever rocks your boat. Then see if waving a Rs. 500 note or exact change is more likely to get their attention. Shyness will not get you far. Map, plot and attack it like a game. At the end of such an event you are most likely to get a token. A receipt or a coin that you need to take to another counter… and another crowd queue.
Navigating a snaky queue: These are usually long and everywhere. If you are female try looking for a ladies queue. Get over your aversion to violating personal space and having yours violated. Feel free however to stamp the feet of anyone of the opposite sex getting too close. It works as a good warning sign. Then the goal is to stick to the person in front of you and not let others get in. Also it is very advisable to bring extra family members and seed them in parallel queues.
I am going to take the kids on a train tomorrow. Today's minor loss in the queue world has me all prepped up to take on anyone and anything that resembles a queue. If my being polite does not work I will nudge and push and maybe even don a Lady Gaga costume (shock and awe).  Bangalore station - queue one up for me.