Underestimated

BOSS Utah, August 2010

Over the last year I have started hiking quite a bit. Way more than I did before and I have signed up for some tough trips. On reaching Utah for an Outdoor Survival week long trip we were made to run 1.5 miles. I was the last one to finish it. On the last day of camp one of my team mates told me of his first impression – how he was sure I would never make it. A female - slightly chubby mother of two - did seem odd there. Then he said – “… and I totally underestimated you. I spent half the trip wishing you’d slow down.”

Tuhalli - BMC Trip
Photo by Rewat Tuladhar

This weekend I did the same. I saw a family with a 65 year old grandfather, an overweight grandmother, four children join us for a rappelling and rock climbing trip. It was for beginners but I rolled my mental eye and wondered how they were going to manage and why they were there. The grandpa rappelled with a smile on his face -very cool for his first time. The grandma carried a big stick and made it all the way to see the little ones give it a shot. I stood there humbled and mentally corrected.

We do it all the time – judge people, situations, things. There is this voice in the head that talks faster than you want it to. You see a woman crossing the street and you have a running commentary on her clothes, weight, hair, or even the way she walks. Usually the voice is pretty mean. Peeyush had read a book once and told me about it – to jot down what comes in your head as your go along all day long. Do it honestly and you’ll be surprised. We judge everyone and everything.

I realized something very interesting when I came back from my Everest Base Camp trek. The tone of judgment depends on how happy and secure you are with your life. Not happy like “oh this dessert is good happy” but like “I love myself happy”.  I was very happy and extremely proud of myself. I loved myself physically and mentally and I remember my thoughts about others being nice. I was less judgmental about people’s looks and thought more about what their lives were like. I would sit in the mall and think of happy stories about people that walked by. On days I skip the gym or feel bad about my career I know I am way nastier in my head about everything. I guess we make negative judgments’ about other people so we can feel better about ourselves.

And about me being underestimated? I kinda like it. I mean I can only wow people at that point. When you are at the bottom the only way is up.